The First Cut
Added: October 15, 2009 | Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
You know the saying, “Beauty is pain?” On October 12th, I lived that. As I lay in the bin at an Osage Beach hardware store, two fine-looking ladies came to what I thought was my rescue.
The first thing they did was push me around in this horrible cage-like contraption. If I had arms and legs, I could’ve crawled out, but I swiftly came to the conclusion that wouldn’t be happening. I was then stuck between two pansies (literally, pansy flowers) in the back of a white van. What a ride that was! If I were a bettin’ man, I’d bet the driver was a racecar driver in his spare time!
We shortly arrived at our destination. I was so relieved until one of the pretty ladies began unpacking some shiny-looking sharp things. The sweat began to pour. I’d always heard stories about this, but had never seen it with my own eyes!
*The following details carry a parental advisory warning a.k.a. very gory stuff!
The pretty lady in the green sweater took me outside and proceeded to cut my top off! The other one approached me and gutted me! She scooped and scraped out my insides. I sat outside in the cold for a while like that with my guts lying on the ground beneath me. The green sweater lady came back out and carried me in, but the pain was not over, it had only begun. She put paper over my face and poked holes all over me. When she took off the paper, it only got worse. She grabbed a really long, sharp thing and I couldn’t watch any longer. What ensued was the worse pain I had ever felt. She sliced and diced pieces of me away for what felt like hours and then, it all stopped.
When I felt it was safe to look, I did. Much to my surprise, it was magnificent-I was magnificent! Never in my life had I felt and looked so wonderful. I was a work of art-a masterpiece!
Me....after the pain.
